Emotional intelligence at work: five skills for leaders
Emotional intelligence at work is the ability to notice and manage your own feelings and to read the feelings of the people around you. Many leaders have strong technical skills. Fewer have strong people skills. The two together are what make a leader hard to replace.
The idea became widely known after psychologist and writer Daniel Goleman published his book Emotional Intelligence in 1995. In 1998 he brought it into the boardroom with a Harvard Business Review article called "What Makes a Leader?" His claim was bold. IQ and technical skills matter, he wrote, but emotional intelligence is the sine qua non of leadership. In plain words, a leader cannot do without it.
Goleman described five skills. This guide walks through each one and shows how to practise it.
Sources: Daniel Goleman, "What Makes a Leader?," Harvard Business Review, November-December 1998 (article page at hbr.org/2004/01/what-makes-a-leader); Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence, Bantam Books, 1995.
Skill one: self-awareness
Self-awareness means you know what you feel, what you are good at, and where you struggle. You also know how your mood shows up for others. A self-aware leader can say, "I am tired today, so I may sound sharp."
Here is a simple test. After a tense meeting, ask yourself three questions. What did I feel? What did I do about it? How might my team have read that? Writing the answers in a notebook for two minutes builds the habit fast.
Honest self-assessment also means asking others. Invite one trusted colleague to name one thing you do well and one thing to change. Listen without defending yourself.
Sources: Goleman, "What Makes a Leader?," Harvard Business Review, 1998. The examples are the editors' practical advice.
Skill two: self-regulation
Self-regulation is the skill of controlling or redirecting strong feelings and impulses. It does not mean hiding emotions. It means choosing your response instead of reacting at once.
Picture a leader who reads an angry email from a client. A quick, sharp reply feels good for a minute and causes damage for months. A better move is to wait an hour, reread the message, and then answer the facts. Goleman linked this skill to trust and integrity, because people trust leaders who stay steady. It also helps when plans change, since a calm leader can adapt without panic.
Try the pause rule. When you feel heat rising, breathe out slowly, count to ten, and then speak. Small pauses protect big relationships.
Sources: Goleman, "What Makes a Leader?," Harvard Business Review, 1998. The examples are the editors' practical advice.
Skill three: motivation
In Goleman's model, motivation means a drive to achieve that goes beyond money or status. Leaders with this skill enjoy the work itself. They set high goals and stay hopeful after a setback.
You can build it by linking daily tasks to a larger purpose. Before you begin a project, write one sentence: "This matters because..." Share that sentence with your team. When a project fails, ask what the team learned and what to try next, not who is to blame.
Sources: Goleman, "What Makes a Leader?," Harvard Business Review, 1998. The examples are the editors' practical advice.
Skill four: empathy
Empathy means thinking about other people's feelings, especially when you make decisions. It does not mean agreeing with everyone or making every choice a popular one. It means you understand how a choice lands.
Empathy matters a great deal in teams that span several countries, where people may show feelings in different ways. A quiet team member in one culture may be showing respect, not a lack of ideas. Ask, do not assume. A short one-to-one chat, with the question "What would make your work easier this month?", often reveals more than a long survey.
Practise by listening more than you speak in your next three conversations. Repeat back what you heard before you offer a solution.
Sources: Goleman, Emotional Intelligence, 1995; Goleman, "What Makes a Leader?," Harvard Business Review, 1998. The examples are the editors' practical advice.
Skill five: social skill
Social skill is friendliness with a purpose. It is the ability to manage relationships and move people in a direction you have agreed on. Leaders with this skill build wide networks, persuade without pressure, and lead teams well.
The other four skills feed this one. You notice your mood, you stay calm, you stay motivated, and you understand others. The result is a person people want to work with. A practical step is to spend ten minutes each week on a relationship outside your own team, such as a peer in another department. Ask what they are working on and how you could help.
Sources: Goleman, Emotional Intelligence, 1995; Goleman, "What Makes a Leader?," Harvard Business Review, 1998. The examples are the editors' practical advice.
A simple way to practise
Pick one skill per week for five weeks. In week one, do the three-question check after meetings. In week two, use the pause rule. In week three, write your purpose sentence. In week four, listen first. In week five, reach out to one peer.
Some researchers have questioned whether emotional intelligence is really a form of intelligence, and the debate continues. Even so, the five habits above are sensible, low-cost ways to work better with people. Track progress by asking a colleague for fresh feedback after five weeks.
Sources: The practice plan is the editors' practical advice, built on the five skills named above.
Sources
- Daniel Goleman, "What Makes a Leader?," Harvard Business Review, November-December 1998. Article page: https://hbr.org/2004/01/what-makes-a-leader
- Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Bantam Books, 1995.